[strength]

Every man who has truly grown from boyhood knows, it is what we do in the face of our own shadow, our weakest moments, that determines our true strength. In the face of shame, we define our true character. I feel I will never be anywhere close to how powerful I want to be until I pull back the curtain on the things I am ashamed of the most. I will speak where I know my heart shames me the most first and my mind will fill in the rest I am sure:

I am ashamed that I did not stop my father's hand to save my brother in his anguish.
I am ashamed of my mother's ignorance, prejudice and cowardice towards what she does not understand.
I am ashamed that I was never able to mend the break between me and my mother.
I am ashamed that my passion is sparked by the flame of my discontent.
I am ashamed of where I come from, a place of so many small minds.
I am ashamed that in the history of all the women I've dated, I was not loved and I am discouraged to the point that I feel I want to ultimately give up.
I am ashamed that I was neglected as a child and still overlooked as an adult.
I am ashamed that my father could never say he loved me, and that I only knew from words on paper found after his death.
I am ashamed that I still hold my tongue to say those words as well.
I am ashamed that if it were not for a friend I would not have heard those words said to me in years.
I am ashamed I did not directly save a life from its own demise, when I was easily able.

I am still haunted by my shame even when now I feel so physically strong, so mentally steadfast, and emotionally it is hard for anyone to move me away from happiness. My shame no longer hurts me, but like a scar, it reminds me of who I really am.