[lovingly overlooked]

Often my emotions get mistaken for weakness,
but further from truth this could not be.
The capacity for weakness has never had a home here
life has been to wretched for me
to unforgiving for the meek.
and thus it has made me skeptic of love.

A horrible lover.
I have never been the one to express it well.
And every time I pursue my passion for life.
My loves wither and my heart is strained.
I second guess,
because of my second breath

my breath for love
so muffled,
so tainted
so unsure of itself.
so cynical.
yet so empowered
by the dam that holds it back

I'll never have it all.
But all will have at me.
My smile will slowly wilt as I lift to my heavens.
as the pain of unwantedness strips at the strings of my heart.
Desired only by serpents disguised as sunflowers.
Alluring me with illusions of forwarded kindness,
poisoning me more with vicious unseen venom.
False lovers they are.
Yet my footsteps never fail to slip in desperation.
It is only a matter of time before I accept the fangs once more.

Of all things, why must I be deprived of the true strength of man.
cursed since birth.
spoon-fed hatred,
and taught the ways of mistrust.
Finding honor among thieves of souls.
Taught to hide my loves,
so no one could get to them.
Protecting them in silence.
And yet, I question even my loves.

My brother I cannot see.
My mother fears to even speak to me.
And a love I wish to be for me, was made for another.
I wish so bad to mend the hearts of my loves,
and yet I can't even stop the bleeding of mine.

I'll do like I always do.
I'll put on my thick hide.
I will cover the red crimson the seeps from my bosom
with a cloth of smile and laughter.
And I will try my hardest to be unselfish.
Not because its the right thing to do.
Just because its what I'm used to.

The injured coyote must again
walk through the bite of winter's night.
Being strong enough to survive has never been the issue.
Wanting to survive, always has.